Pop-up Elevators
So, today’s lunch was eventful, and my colleague Beth published an entry about it. Instead of writing about it myself, I’ll post what she published and add my own commentary to it in bold.
“As background, I work in a pretty old building. It’s like 100 years old and on some kind of register of historic buildings of downtown Indy. (Maybe I’ll research that and update this post.){Keep that in mind. I swear it will make my reaction a little bit more understandable. You should probably also know that they’ve been tinkering with the elevators. A lot.}
So, my colleague Josh and I just walked to Giorgio’s to pick up lunch (mmm, beef calzone!){and cheese pizza, of course} Back in the building, we pop onto one of the elevators (recently redecorated), but we never get to the fourth floor. It stopped on the third. Now, it’s a pretty slow elevator, and I’ve noticed lately that the doors open even more slowly than they used to.{have I mentioned that they’ve been tinkering with it a lot?} So, my first thought is that someone is getting on at 3.{Mine was that the elevator was stuck. But then again, I think this every time it stops. Call me paranoid.} But the doors never open, and the elevator is dead still. Josh and I look at each other and aren’t sure what to do. I push “door open” a couple of times, then the 4 button a couple of times and then decide we need some outside help.{while I try to open the doors manually. All I really did was leave a hand smudge on them…}
The great news is that the Push to Call button actually works! It plays a recording that we’re being connected to a call center and then a live human is on the line! {and they weren’t in India!} Hooray! She says she’s sending help, so Josh and I settle down on the floor for lunch. All I can think is “thank goodness I used the bathroom before we left for lunch!” {and all I can think is “dear God, please don’t let the elevator fall…”}
However, my calm is short-lived, since Josh begins citing information from a Mythbusters show I remember seeing a year or so ago. (The title of the episode was “Elevator of Death.” This does not bode well.) Apparently, a fall from the fourth floor is the “basic limit of survivability”{my term} and Josh outlines that we are on the third floor, but there is a basement, so we are just at the edge of that limit of survivability.{I could easily win Jeopardy. “Alex, what is four stories. I’d like “How Far” for four hundred please.} There’s lots of discussion about how best to position ourselves (we actually ended up rotating so our legs were parallel to the door but we were opposite each other. This way, Josh explains, my head will fall one way and his will fall another and we won’t bang into each other or the side walls. {Because, you see, the force is displaced along a greater surface and then it will be less likely to kill is if it falls… heh… heh…}
Finally (seemed like forever, but was less than 10 minutes), the maintenance guy knocks on the door and asks if we’re stuck. Well, duh! He says he’s going to the roof to turn off the power.{it was actually the basement} It’s only after he’s gone that I wonder aloud, “What happens when the elevator is turned off?” Josh attempts to flatten himself closer to the floor to lessen the impact.{true story}
Eventually, we end up on the first floor, and the guy waiting for the elevator looks perplexed that we’re sitting on the floor with our lunches half-consumed. We beat a hasty retreat and were shocked that the guy actually got on the elevator.
We would have taken the stairs, but the door was locked. So we took the other elevator and made it safely back to our officese.” {I thought it would collapse that time too…}
All of that said, it was an eventful lunch time that really put me face to face with my mortality and my vast knowledge of useless facts. Turns out they were slightly useful for once.
